DDR, the Stepford Wives, and quittting school

I just witnessed this game for the first time. It was hilarious. Two white boys with no rhythm were playing Dance Dance Revolution. I might not have been able to beat them if I had tried it, but I would have looked better while losing than either of them would have looked while beating me.

If there's one thing I miss about college, it's dancing. I could go to a party and dance for hours. That was how I stayed in shape back then. I miss it so much, but I don't have any opportunities anymore. If I could just get my husband to dance with me in our living room or something. It just isn't the same when I do it alone.

On a different subject, I watched the original Stepford Wives last night. It was pretty good. I felt kind of weird watching it because I identified with both groups of women. I feel this push within the Christian community, or at least among the women I know, to be a stay-at-home mom. I know I would get bored, though, and I'm a terrible house keeper. I have it in my head right now that I will stay home with our children when they are young, but I don't know if it's because that's what I want or because it's what I've been convinced I should want. I don't want to be a Stepford wife and do the things that all the other wives do just because I'm programmed to. I want to do what is right according to God, not what's right according to Christians.

I think that God would have me care for my family. That's one of the reasons I quit school. You see, I was working at a job that was in my field of study and I found out a lot of things. I found out that I did not possess some of the requisite qualities for the position. I often convince myself that I am somebody other than who I am and, thus, think that I have abilities or personality traits that I do not. I found out that this personality deficit made it difficult to perform my job duties, which meant that I was constantly drained. If I had to put everything into pretending that I had personality traits that I did not have, then it was going to be a lot more work than it would have been for somebody who possessed those traits. I found that this drain meant that I had nothing left to give at home. That would probably be okay for a summer job. Three months in a position that wore me out wouldn't be too much to handle. I could not have done it as a career, though, because it would have meant the end of my marriage and all happiness in my life. Therefore, I decided that, since I could not pursue this career path any longer, I would just quit the job so that they could have somebody in the position that was better suited for it. I also decided that, since I was not going to continue on this career path, I did not need to continue my education in that field of study.

And that's where I am today. I don't know if I will go back to school at some point to try something else, but I think all roads lead to the same place. I might as well just stick with things that I like and quit chasing the wind.