Liberal or Christian, But Not Both

I'm just going to come out and say it. I'm (gasp) a liberal. I was born that way and have always had a liberal agenda. I don't see anything good in the conservative agenda and will fight it every step of the way. Here's the problem: I'm also a Christian. Yikes! I know there are people out there who would say that you can't be both, but I would argue differently. I would say that Conservatives are distorting Jesus' message by focusing on issues like abortion and homosexuality, while ignoring human rights, stewardship of our planet, etc. [Incidentally, much worse versions of abortion and homosexuality were occuring in Jesus' time, but He never mentions them, instead focusing on meeting the needs of those who were suffering.] Don't misunderstand me, the liberals miss the boat, too, in that they ignore people of faith all together. There is no place in this world that is completely comfortable for a person like me who is a person of faith and social justice. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I wouldn't want to be completely comfortable in this world. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to be.

Here's what prompted me to write about this. I was reading a review of the documentary "Jesus Camp." It's about a fundamentalist Christian camp where preteens go and absorb Christian doctrine along with conservative political propaganda. Now when people review this movie they take one of two stances: 1. they talk about how sad it is that the children are being brainwashed and say it's a great eye-opening movie, or 2. they start bad-mouthing liberals and talk about how the world needs more Christian values. The non-Christians are compassionate, while the Christians are spewing hate at homosexuals and liberals. It actually hurts me when people act like that on several levels. First, I'm a liberal and when they bad-mouth liberals they are talking about me. They assume that all liberals are god-hating, Christian-hating atheists. I don't attack them, but they bash me into the ground. Second, the people making those statements are the Christians. Love the sinner, hate the sin. Don't attack the people who do things you agree with, fight against the darkness in this world. By being so hateful they are turning people away from the one thing that can save them from eternal torment and suffering. Jesus loves people. All people. Third, people assume that all Christians are hate-spewing conservatives, which breaks my heart. I think it was DC Talk that said the number one cause of atheism is Christians. We should be turning people on to the everlasting, ever-present love of Jesus, not pushing them further away from eternal salvation.

I think there are a lot of people out there calling themselves Christians who are reading a different Bible from the one I have. Mine tells me to love the Lord my God and love my neighbor as myself. Nowhere in there does it tell me to hijack a political party and turn Jesus into a political platform. And it certainly doesn't tell me to attack anybody. Fight darkness, don't spread it.

Christmas and Family

We had a great Christmas this year. On Christmas Eve we went to our church's Christmas Eve service which was very nice. The music was good and the rest of the service was meaningful in a way that is hard to describe. It wasn't the typical Christmas Eve service. I really got to reflect on what life in Christ means and how it effects my life and the lives of those around me. It was encouraging.

We got some good gifts for/from each other. I got a teapot with an infuser in it so I can brew multiple cups of tea. It also gave me the opportunity to get some loose teas, which I haven't had before. I'm pretty excited about it. We also got a gift from our dog (he does that every year...I'm not sure how, since he doesn't have any money). He bought us a hot water heater that takes about thirty seconds to heat water for tea or cocoa or oatmeal or whatever. It works really well and it's easier/faster than the microwave. My husband got a pickup for his acoustic guitar and the Simpsons Season 9 DVDs from me. We also got some towels from his parents (which we needed) and some jackets from my aunt (they match...we're so cute). There were a few other random things, too. Overall, it was a good Christmas (I stayed in my pajamas all day). I made my first glazed ham, which was easier than I thought.

On the other hand, I really missed my family this Christmas. Christmas is a big deal for my family and it's always hard not to be there. Actually, I've been missing them a lot lately, in general. My sister had a baby the Saturday before Christmas and I wasn't there to see it. Ever since I was there for her wedding this summer I've been missing being with my family a lot. I miss all of them, and wish I was there. I moved away right when I was the age when I could start appreciating them and getting to know them as people. That's why the best gift I got this Christmas was from my dad. He is using his frequent flyer miles to fly me out to surprise my sister (I don't think she reads this, so I'm safe in saying that). It's not that the other presents I got weren't good, because they were. It's just that I really needed to see my family. I really feel like I'm missing everything that happens in everybody's lives. I used to be able to watch the kids grow up, but now that I'm old enough for that to mean something, I can't do it. I know that I've said before that I couldn't move back to the midwest because it's too flat, but now I think that I could live with just having vacations to places with mountains. I'm willing to sacrifice scenery in order to have relationships with my family members.


But, at the same time that I miss my family, ever since they found out that my sister was having a baby (I knew before them), I've been getting crazy pressure to have a baby, too. I seriously get it every time I talk to my mom. So, then I mention it to my husband because all the baby talk gets me thinking about babies and then it causes problems with us because he isn't ready. I finally told my mom that I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I hope she understands that I mean ever. I don't want to talk about when I'm going to have a baby ever with anyone. That is a matter for my husband and me to discuss, not anybody else. Because, really, nobody else's opinions matter. When it's time, then we'll do it. Until then, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Period. It causes too much strife in my marriage for it to be a regular topic of conversation. I don't want to upset my husband anymore and I don't want to be mad at my family, so let's just not talk about it.

Dropping Names and Christmas Things

So, there's a quirky thing that I do here and there's a reason for it that I've never really explained. Here goes. I don't use people's names here other than my own. Why, you might ask, would you avoid doing that, considering that your readership is about three people who know all of the names you might drop? Well, it's like this: One evening a few months ago we had some friends over to visit. During what was probably going to be a lovely visit I received a shock when one of those friends told me that somebody from Tennessee had Googled my name and spent time on his blog because my name was on there. That kind of weirded me out, since I have an ex-boyfriend who lives in Tennessee. It weirded me out more because this was the same boyfriend that I was dating when I met my husband and I don't know how much closure we really had, since I dumped him for another man and then married that other man right away. Also, I haven't talked to him since we got married, so...I don't know, it's just weird. I just didn't want this particular person to necessarily know everything that I was doing. [By the way, it didn't really ruin my evening. I just was a little freaked for a while and moved on.] So, anyway, if you were wondering why I do that, there's the reason: I don't want any freaky weirdos finding out about anything that you do because they read my blog (on the slight chance that somebody might a.) read my blog, or b.) Google you).

On a different subject, I got some of my friends together and we went to the cafe at my store to play some Christmas songs the other day. So fun! Everybody at work who was there kept telling me how good we sounded and everything. I love making music. My friends said that we should do it more often and I told them that they could have a standing appointment to play in the cafe, or they could just tell me when they wanted to come and I would get it approved. The best part about doing it there is that there's no pressure because there's never anybody there in the cafe. You can just come and do your thing and people will come and listen or not and you can just do what you love without having to worry about the details. Anyway, it was great fun and I hope we do actually do it again.

The Little Drummer Boy

There is a woman who writes a column for the local paper who I usually enjoy reading. I like her because she's a flaky blonde and she admits that she's a flaky blonde, so she can have fun with it. Anyway, she writes relatively entertaining columns about girly things most of the time, but once a year, around Christmas time, she goes on a total rampage about the Little Drummer Boy. She goes on and on about how she hates that song and how there was no little drummer boy at the first Christmas or in the Nativity scenes, etc. She really hates that song. I feel differently, however, and thought that this year I would write about all of the things that are right about it.

Okay, for those of you who don't know, the Little Drummer Boy is a song about a poor little boy who hears about the birth of Jesus and wants to go see him. He doesn't have a gift to give that is worthy of a king, in fact, the only thing he has is his drum. So, he decides that he will give the baby the gift of music. He goes to visit the baby Jesus and plays Him a song on his drum and the baby Jesus smiles at him, as if to say that it was a good song and He enjoyed it, as if to say thank you for the gift.

Now, I can see where a person would get caught up in the idea that there was no little drummer boy in the original Christmas story (although, since the Biblical accounts of the birth of Jesus span two years, it would be difficult to say that no little drummer boy visited Him during that time). [Personally, I think a better argument for not liking the song is that fact that it is kind of annoying.] People who get caught up in that fact, though, are missing the point of the song. You see, no matter who we are, we are all poor in comparison to the God of the universe. We have nothing to give Him that He has not already given us. We all, like the little drummer boy approach Him with only the gifts that He has given to us and offer them back to Him. The little drummer boy had the gift of music, so that is what he gave, and God was grateful. It pleased Him. He smiled. Here's the moral of the story: Even if you are poor, you can give gifts to God that please Him. He will accept anything that you offer to Him. And if you give Him whatever you have, be it money or time or music or whatever, He will smile.

All Christmas Music All Day Makes Stacy Something Something

Every day at work we have a short little blurb about what is happening (holidays coming up, sales that are going on, big local events, etc.). Todays blurb (written by somebody who has worked in retail too long) said this: Christmas is coming...too bad you work in retail so it will ruin the whole thing for you. It is so true. I love people and most of the time customers are great, I can't get anything done at this time of year, though, because I can't get off the stinking phone. Or, if I do get off the phone, then I have somebody come up to me and ask me where they can find a certain video (keeping in mind that I work in the totally separate and distinct Music department with the big sign that says MUSIC and I have to walk them across to the other side of the store to show them where their video is because they can't find the huge and obvious video department with the big sign that says VIDEO). I want to love people and I try really hard, but they drive me crazy. Also, my co-workers make it worse when they say that things will be here on a certain day even though there is no way to know exactly when something will arrive, or when they guarantee customers that things will be here before Christmas even though (again) we don't know when something will arrive so you can't make any guarantees. And don't even get me started on Christmas music. I love Christmas music, I really do, but all day every day for an entire month is driving me crazy. At least there is less than two weeks left before it will all be over. Then I just have to deal with after Christmas sales. Yippee!

On Underachieving and Being Sick

I admit it, I'm an underachiever. I think it's a mark of our generation. I'm a Twixter. The way I see it, I can work really hard at something and have the right job, the right clothes, the right house, and be absolutely miserable. Or, alternatively, I can do something that I enjoy, and enjoy life in the process. I'm unwilling to pursue a career that will take away my time with my husband or will cause me too much stress or will make me hate myself. My job doesn't conflict with my values and it doesn't demand more from me than I have. It's perfect.

That being said, I am kind of a workaholic. I like to work. I also don't like not getting paid because I'm not working. So, I'm sick right now and should have stayed home Saturday night and probably today, but I worked anyway because I know that we need that money. Starting in January I'll accrue some sick hours, so I'll be able to stay home when I'm sick, but not until then. I just can't bring myself to miss work. I feel like people are counting on me. Probably that's just narcissism talking, but who can know that for sure?

Feedback and Feeding Frenzy

Well, I don't want to say I told you so, but my suspicions have been confirmed. I really am good at what I do. My District Leader (our district includes all of Utah, Idaho, Wyoming and Colorado) visited this week and gave me rave reviews. While the other departments in my store got tons of things to change, I just got a few nit-picky detail kinds of things to work on. Mainly just suggestions, but nothing that I was doing wrong. The sales in my department are higher than any other Lifestyles department in the District, so I must be doing something right. That being said, I still felt really bad while we were going through things, because it was the first real feedback that I've gotten. Whenever I ask my boss for feedback he just tells me, "You're doing great. Your sales are up and everything looks good. Keep up the good work." So, since this was the first constructive criticism that I got, I was a little shaken. It turns out that all the suggestions he made were easy to do and I finished about two-thirds of them in one day and will have them all done by Monday. Not too shabby. [Side note: the reasons that I am doing so well are two-fold, I think. First, if you work as one working for the Lord, then you are going to give it your all every day. I work really hard and it shows. Second, I just do what corporate tells me to do. If you do everything that they tell you to do, then it really works, as proven by the fact that my sales are up.]

On a completely different subject, I went to two different functions last night that had tons of snacky foods, which I love. I couldn't stop eating at either one and probably had a meal worth of snacks. The first function was a meeting for the small group leaders at my church. Our pastor just announced that he was retiring, so we talked about what that means for the church, things that we need to do, and ways that we can strengthen the congregation during the transition time. It was a really, really good meeting and we all felt a lot more connected afterward. I love my brothers and sisters from that congregation, and by that I mean that it is starting to feel like my family again. For a long time I have felt disconnected from the church. We led our small group, but the people in our small group are kind of outsiders, and we did the music once a month, but our worship team is pretty isolated, too. We're starting to feel more a part of something again, which has been good for my husband and me. The other function was a thesis defense party for our friend. He went to the same college that my husband went to back in Michigan and came here about two years after we did to do a grad program with my husband's thesis advisor. Small world. He is leaving soon and he'll definitely be missed.

Back in Business

Well, after a short (or long depending on how you look at it) hiatus, I'm back. It sometimes takes an event or subject that makes me really contemplative for me to get into writing. Well, I don't know that there was anything specific that happened to initiate my return, but that's okay, too.

On my mind: Usually a couple of times a year some conversation that I'm having or discomfort in my situation or subject matter in a class or something turns to the subject of "your calling." It always gets me thinking about what it means to have a "calling" and what mine is. Generally I start looking around and seeing what areas of my life make me happy and what areas of my life make me frustrated or miserable. Sometimes I can only see the misery. That isn't to say that I'm miserable now. In the financial seminar we are taking the subject of Vocation vs. Career vs. Job came up and I started thinking about what I want to do with my life. The thing is, no matter how much money you get paid, no matter how much a job fits your personality, if you aren't passionate about what you do, then you're never going to be happy.

So, that begs the question, what am I passionate about? Here's the thing. I love change. I love doing new things, but mostly I love being a different person. I like the kind of change that isn't just a new job, it's a new direction. So, that being said, what I'm passionate about changes. When I was in college I was passionate about geology and Phi Mu, my fraternity. When I graduated I wasn't passionate about anything for a while, which is why I was so miserable. I had no driving force. I became a Christian and became passionate about that. Since then, most of my passions can be traced back to loving people. I have been driven by a desire to meet people's basic needs. I haven't always felt free to do it, though, because often that takes money, something that we don't have a ton of (although, when we achieve financial peace, we should have a lot more disposable income). I have been passionate about reaching the lost, about feeding the hungry, about helping people who are differently abled, about social justice, about fiscal responsibility in our nation's leadership, about the environment, . . . the list could go on for days.

It all comes back to this, though, what am I passionate about? I'm a person who is driven by her values. I value hard work, loyalty, justice, love, family, fun, intelligence, integrity. What do I enjoy? I enjoy making something out of nothing, despite the fact that I'm not creative. Let me explain. I like cooking, because I take a bunch of stuff that is nothing special on its own and put it together to make something wonderful, but I can't cook without a recipe. I like taking a piece of paper with a song written on it and turning it into music, but I've never written music of my own. I like taking a list of stuff at work and turning it into a beautiful display (beautiful is a subjective term), but I can rarely make the lists myself. I'm not an idea person, but I really enjoy taking somebody else's ideas and making them work. I can't be the boss, but I can be the go to person.

So, is my job a job, a career, or a vocation? Hard to say. I really enjoy it and right now I can't see myself doing anything else. Really, I can't think of anything specific that I would rather do for pay. Here's the thing, though, would I do something else if money wasn't an issue? I don't know. I mean, really, money isn't an issue now, or else I would have to get a better paying job. I guess here's what I'm really asking myself: what if we have kids? Will I quit my job and take care of the kids? Or will I keep working because I like to work. I do like to work, well, I like to work at this job (honestly, I haven't had a job yet that I enjoy as much as I do my current one). I have to think, though, about if its my calling, or if the world would be better served if I pursued something else.

The thing is, I'm pretty good at it. I'm not going to say I'm the best, but the department that I'm manager of has never looked as good as it has since I took over. Really. I hesitated to pursue the job because I was afraid of this particular department, and that mainly because it was always a disaster. It is rarely a disaster now, though, so I know that at least some of the problems before came from incompetence on the part of previous managers. Don't misunderstand me, I know the previous two managers of my department, they're great people. It's just that one was too hands off in his management, so that nothing got done, and the other's expectations were too low, so that she never pushed her associates (also she hates the job . . . she's manager of another department now and says she's only staying so that when she goes back to school the company will pay for her education).

But, is it my calling? I don't know how to tell. I guess I have to look at what I like about it and figure out if there is a better way that I could use those gifts. I like making something out of nothing, like I said before. I like managing a team within a team, but I can also manage the team (I have done this before. I'm not good at the administrative side of things, the details, but I'm good at managing people and projects as long as somebody is there to make sure I'm not forgetting something, because I can be pretty flaky. I'm also not a good disciplinarian). The thing that I wish there was more of is music. Well, I'm manager of the music department, but I mean music-making. You can't make a living doing that, though, or at least not much of a living unless you are really good, which I'm not. I just really enjoy it. I wish there was more of that in my life. As I've mentioned before it's the thing in my life that brings me the most joy. I need to be in a band (I know that some people would say that I am. I don't call my worship team a band, though, because that gives doing music in church the feel of doing a concert, which isn't the effect we're going for). That would round things out. I would have a job that I love and my free time would be filled with the thing that brings me the most joy. It's not happening any time soon, though, so I'll just have to be content with having a job that I enjoy and singing once a month. Not bad, really.